I need connection rehab.
Exhibit A) Yesterday, one of my kin posted a meme that said “This might be the first Sunday that people were actually looking forward to Monday!”
I wanted to post a comment about how it might be helpful to consider that at least half of the population disagrees.
But I didn’t.
Exhibit B) In a class of 40 people at the gym, the guy next to me was wearing a shirt with a Star Spangled AR-15 with the message: Stay Free.
I wanted to ask him if he needed other clothes because why else would a person wear something so ridiculous and painful and triggering (pun!) to the gym.
But I didn’t.
Exhibit C) I saw a meme of a dog patiently waiting til his owner left the house only to immediately go over to the couch, pull off a giant cushion and start humping it passionately.
I wanted to repost it to my insta stories with a joke about renaming the dog JD or Vance.
But I didn’t.
What I did do:
Exhibit A) I saw this post while watching football on the couch with my family. So I wasn’t really WITH my family. Several times that afternoon someone had to ask me a question twice - even three times I think - because my mind was elsewhere, disconnected.
Exhibit B) I sneered. I let my judgy thoughts about this guy - my opinion of him completely formed by one snippet of who he might be - fill my head while I worked out. Was I really working out? Was my core engaged? Moreover, as I carried the energy of judgment around, what did the other people around me - you know, the ones I’m so concerned about being hurt by his shirt - experience from me?
Exhibit C) I told this experience to several friends, mostly because during that moment, I actually had the thought: Vance. Ugh. Thank God we are done with that guy. And then I remembered. We are so not done with that guy. Denial is real. I’m in it.
I have been trained to interact with the world this way - to be sucked into a virtual world, taken out of the present moment and the people who are actually in the room with us to glimpse snippets of a person’s life and form entire narratives about who they are and then to come up with self-righteous one liners to prove to them and to the people we collectively know that they are wrong and need to hear other perspectives. Not only that, some people have made BILLIONS of dollars creating the systems that keep me disconnected, that keep me prone to solidifying stereotypes and inwardly raging or being outwardly flippant.
It’s really ludicrous. And we all know it.
So, here’s the invitation, some informal connection rehab. I want to stay connected. Like truly connected - to my own body, to the people I actually share air with, to my most creative, compassionate, courageous and loving self. How about you?
During the pandemic, when our ability to really connect was limited, some friends and I started a practice of meeting for an hour early on Sunday mornings. And we did loving kindness meditation together, and also sat quietly together to do something that helped us to stay focused on what was important that week. Some people did their meal planning, some people wrote thank you notes, some people did their own goal setting and work plan for the week. Then we closed the call with intentions - each person saying a word or two about what that week held for them and what they needed.
The invitation is to do this again, but this time once a week on Tuesday mornings, 9 - 9:40 AM CST for the next six weeks. If it’s something you want to try, too - you can learn more and register here. Invite a friend by forwarding this post.
A second invitation, for a bi-monthly in-person gathering is brewing. We know the why. Ideas welcome for where, what, who, when, and how. Let me know your thoughts.